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The Righteous & The Wicked

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[04 Jul 2008|04:18am]
Just a moment of a moment. That's all.
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Meme's IM [03 Jul 2008|01:25am]
Hello Dominick!!!!! How's everything in Japan? Mom updates me on your days every so often. I'm glad things have really worked out for you and school. She also just told me that you are all set to come home in August! I thought you were going to stay for an extra year? Can't wait to see you again and listen to all the stories you have to tell! Everything here good - just dealing with some really hot weather! Have a great 4th and I'll see you in a month!! Loves and Kisses - Meme <3

I love this kinda shit
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Don't Look Back In Anger [03 Jul 2008|01:21am]
Slip inside the eye of your mind
Don't you know you might find
A better place to play
You said that you'd never been
But all the things that you've seen
Will slowly fade away

So I start a revolution from my bed
'Cause you said the brains I had went to my head
Step outside the summertime's in bloom
Stand up beside the fireplace
Take that look from off your face
You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out

And so Sally can wait, she knows it's too late as we're walking on by
Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger
I heard you say

Take me to the place where you go
Where nobody knows, if it's night or day.
Please don't put your life in the hands
Of a Rock 'n Roll band
Who'll throw it all away

I'm gonna start the revolution from my bed
'Cos you said the brains I had went to my head
Step outside cos summertime's in bloom
Stand up beside the fireplace
Take that look from off your face
Cos you ain't ever gonna burn my heart out

And So Sally can wait, she knows it's too late and she's walking on by
My soul slides away, but don't look back in anger, don't look back in anger
I heard you say

At least not today.
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[03 Jul 2008|12:52am]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

So lets try to post something that isnt so damn sad. Lets talk about whats been going on.

Tonight I jammed with Shingo and Kenji. It was really cool to jam in a studio. But I played TERRIBLY. We covered Oasis's "Dont Look Back in Anger" and RHCP "Dani California." I kept fucking up though. They made me sing during "Dont Look Back in Anger," which was fun, even though I cant sing. But it was cool to be able to sing and play something at the same time for once. I really felt like an ass sucking so badly though. Especially since Kenji is such a good drummer, guitarist, everything...haha. Whatever, it was fun. A nice way to relieve the stress of recent events and these tests.

Speaking of tests, I have a fuck-ton coming up. I did my Kenkyu presentation today. It was awesome. Although I kinda messed up on some things. My Power Point was still BANGIN!

I will be climbing Mt. Fuji this weekend. That shit is going to be nuts. 14 hour climb. Barely any sleep. 大-fucking-変! But it will be a great experience I think. I will write about it after the fact of course...

That whole week following I have a test every fucking day. Jesus Christ. I don't know what the fuck I am going to do in preparation. But what the fuck ever. After that I will be free as a fucking bird.

It is so humid in Japan. Its really miserable. Shiteeeeeeeeee.

This is such a pallet for random thoughts, but thats cool. It will be nice to go back and read this.

Me and Jocelyn are talking right now about what the fuck we are going to do when we return to the States. I still have no fucking clue. Its so scary. My plans got completely blown away after I came out here. In every sense. With JET, Nicole, and everything in between. Now I gotta just replan everything. But I guess its no big deal.

However, I think my first prority is to just get re-acclimated with my friends. I really miss them. I feel that I have to set a lot of goals for myself now with things in order to just keep going, which I really like the thought of. It keeps things positive.

Another thing Jocelyn just said that struck me was this...

LolitaBellaPR (12:45:06 AM): awww are you a bit sad about it?
DongoCasbah (12:45:45 AM): about what exactly?
LolitaBellaPR (12:45:59 AM): everything being over basically
DongoCasbah (12:47:02 AM): for japan?
LolitaBellaPR (12:48:18 AM): no i mean rutgers and all
DongoCasbah (12:48:49 AM): yeah, somewhat
LolitaBellaPR (12:49:20 AM): well if it means anything to you im really happy i got to know you dom
DongoCasbah (12:49:55 AM): awww!!
DongoCasbah (12:50:01 AM): what a fucking sweetheart!!

Hearing something like that really is great. In spite of everything that has been happening, I have really been able to keep my head up and be alright with everything. Of course, it has its moments. But thats completely normal. I realized out here that when it comes to something like that, that its ok to be upset once in a while. So long as you accept the fact that you may not feel so great about things one day doesnt mean it will always happen. I think about that, and it gives me a great amount of comfort.

I often think how important it is to remember how you can really find some kind of good in any situation. When I came out here to Japan all of this shit was just thrown right on my fucking lap without any kind of warning. I think if I was who I was when I was 5 years ago then I would have just fallen apart. But really, I tried and still am trying my hardest to just stay postitive and optimistic about things. Thats what got me so mad when Nicole said that I just victimize myself and just feed into my sadness. It just goes to show how she is just not even giving anything a look from my perspective. But I really dont care about that. I am really proud of the way I have been dealing with things and I dont care what she thinks. She hurt me so badly already. I can't let her keep doing it after the fact...


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Nicole [22 Jun 2008|06:40pm]
[ mood | sad ]

So today I did something that really wasn't easy. I had to say goodbye to Nicole. Really say goodbye. Who knows when we will talk again, but I couldn't keep going on like this. I still am very much attached and connected to her and if I am going to be able to get over this I have to sever the ties. She was going to visit NJ this week and now I dont think she will because of what I said. I just told her that I wasnt ok with her sleeping at mine or Daniels house. But it really doesnt bother me who she wants to hang out with. I am in no means trying to control anyone or anything, but this is all still so recent and if she wants me to just get over her then I am going to need this space. Things are still so sensative in so many ways and I already miss her so much. I couldn't stop crying after I got off the phone with her. It was so hard to tell her goodbye. These past three months have been so crazy. I have had so many distractions to keep me away from this. But now that I am facing it, it has been so hard. I never let how the break-up made me feel "in." All of these posts before with me saying I dont feel the same and dont care about her...all of it was just lying to myself to try run away from the pain. Thats exactly what Marina was to me. Just a distraction. A rebound. And now I am letting in all of the feelings that I tried to hard to push out. I just wish I didn't have to deal with it in Japan.

So many things that I think and feel, its just so much to space out. What will I feel like when I get home? What do I do with myself now? How am I supposed to put these feelings to rest? and so on. All of these things is why I need my space. I also realize that typing in this journal out in the open like this is not the best method to try and distance myself from her because she can just as easily log into this thing. But I don't know, I feel that I don't have too many other places to just flat out vent and collect my thoughts and this has always served as some kind of emotional marker for me so Its a risk I suppose I will have to take. There is just so much that I cant understand. I am trying my best to understand and, above all else, accept, but its going to take time. She told me that she didnt weigh all the variables when thinking about making a trip out there and so I know she is not intentionally trying to stir the pot. Thats why I talked to her about this openly and honestly.

Things between her are a fucking mess right now. Her exact words were "Every time I talk to you you make me want to pull my hair out." Despite how badly hearing something like that makes me feel, it also goes to show that me and her should stay away from each other.

I know there are going to be times where I am going to feel very compelled to talk to her. I miss her so much already. But really have to be strong when those moments come. I have to be strong through all of this. I know that there are going to be so many times when I go home that I am going to be reminded of her. I still love her so much and it is so hard to believe that she doesn't love me. But as my mom told me, if things are really over between us, then I just have to let it be over. I needed to cut the chord and thats what I did. It's just now I can't stop thinking where I go from here? Especially when I go back to NJ. I know this sounds stupid, but I am afraid everything will remind me of her. Especially in the fall. I don't know why. I did what I had to do and I just have to figure out where to go from here. Thats what I need the space for, so I can stop feeling the way I do right now. Thinking about her just hurts so badly and I can't even keep myself together sometimes. I know in time this will all change, I just hope it comes quickly. But I know that I play just as much of a role in that as time itself does.

I feel like I have so much more I want to say and write, and perhaps I will afterwards. But I think thats all I have in me for right now.

And its so ironic. Today would have been our 5th year anniversary...But I had to say goodbye.

again...I will end this with a song. This song always makes me think of her and me cry. I don't think I will listen to this song again for a while after this point. It's from Pete and Pete...

"Everywhere" - Polaris

I put your photograph away
I can't look at you today
I put your letters upstairs
But it's no good because you're everywhere

I can try to hide,
But why waste my time?

You left your glasses behind
And somebody said you were doing fine
I play a game, but you're not there
But it's no good, because you're everywhere

I can try to hide,
But why waste my time?
Center round of you
Everything I do says you're everywhere

I hear a song that you sang
It hits my head like a circus train
I cried out when you were there
You were there because you're everywhere

I can try to hide
But why waste my time?
Center round of you,
everything I do
I can try to hide
But why waste my time?
Center round in me,
Everything I see says you're everywhere

Goodbye Nicole...

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[15 Jun 2008|03:42am]
Note to self. Next time write more about how my week went and what I have been doing.
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Little Red Corvette [11 May 2008|02:41pm]
I guess I shoulda known
By the way you parked your car sideways
That it wouldnt last

See you're the kinda person
That believes in makin out once
Love em and leave em fast

I guess I must be dumb
she had a pocket full of horses
Trojan and some of them used

But it was Saturday night
I guess that makes it all right
And u say what have I got to lose?
And honey I say

Little red corvette
Baby you're much too fast
Little red corvette
You need a love thats gonna last

I guess I shoulda closed my eyes
When u drove me to the place
Where your horses run free

Cuz I felt a little ill
When I saw all the pictures
Of the jockeys that were there before me

Believe it or not
I started to worry
I wondered if I had enough class

But it was Saturday night
I guess that makes it all right
And you say, baby, have u got enough gas?
Oh yeah

Little red corvette
Baby you're much too fast, yes you are
Little red corvette
You need to find a love thats gonna last

A body like yours
Oughta be in jail
cuz its on the verge of bein obscene

Move over baby
Gimme the keys
I'm gonna try to tame your little red love machine

Little red corvette
Baby you're much too fast
Little red corvette
You need to find a love thats gonna last

Little red corvette
Honey you got to slow down
Little red corvette
cuz if you don't you gonna run your
Little red corvette right in the ground

Girl, u got an ass like I never seen
And the ride...
I say the ride is so smooth
You must be a limousine

Baby you're much too fast
Little red corvette
You need a love, you need a love thats
Thats gonna last
You got to slow down
Little red corvette

cuz if you dont, cuz if you dont,
You're gonna run your body right into the ground
Right into the ground
Right into the ground
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I still haven't found what I'm looking for [05 May 2008|08:34pm]
I have climbed highest mountains
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you
I have run
I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing fingertips
It burned like a fire
This burning desire

I have spoke with the tongues of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I believe in the Kingdom Come
When all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
Well, yes I'm still running

You broke the bonds
And you loosened the chains
Carried the cross
Of all my shame
all my shame
You know I believe it

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
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Train in Vain [16 Apr 2008|11:55pm]
[ mood | sad ]

So today was trying to say the least. I really thought that our relationship would last forever and could endure anything...I guess I was wrong. I really tried my hardest to give everything I had, but I guess it wasn't enough. I have so many emotions that I don't know where to place them. But I believe I am managing well. As the minutes go by I come to more and more conclusions about things and it helps me cope with these things. But to be honest, I can't help but feel a bit betrayed. I guess when someone just tells you they don't feel the same about you that they have for 5 years, it comes as a bit of a shock. I think that's where the feeling of betrayal stems from. I just kind of feel that a lot of this could have been avoided and handled in a much different matter.

All I know is that I can't let this get me down. I think with a situation like this makes one's insecurities start to creep out from the shadows. Especially when everything that you had your confidence wrapped into drops it like a bad habit. But I won't believe a word of any of it. I don't think I am a bad person and I really like the person that I am. I realize that I am not perfect or anything but I don't know one who is. I am not trying to sound critical or trying to wag my finger in any kind of way, but I guess I just need a place to vent.

I guess me being here in Japan and having everything change as a result is an understatement. But I don't think that change is a bad thing. So I will just look forward to tomorrow I suppose.

I think I will leave this post off with my favorite Clash song. I really find music a great medium in which to express myself and in these types of matters that is especially true. I guess this song will just kind of summarize how am feeling as of right now...

"Train in Vain"

You say you stand by your man
So tell me something I don't understand
You said you love me and thats a fact
Then you left me, said you felt trapped

Well some things you can explain away
But my heartaches in me till this day

Did you stand by me?
No, not at all
Did you stand by me?
No way

All the times
When we were close
I'll remember these things the most
I see all my dreams come tumbling down
I can't be happy without you around

So all alone I keep the wolves at bay
And there is only one thing that I can say

Did you stand by me?
No, not at all
Did you stand by me?
No way

You must explain why this must be
Did you lie when you spoke to me?

Did you stand by me?
No, not at all

Now I got a job
But it don't pay
I need new clothes
I need somewhere to stay
But without all these things I can do
But without your love I wont make it through

But you don't understand my point of view
I suppose theres nothing I can do

Did you stand by me?
No, not at all
Did you stand by me?
No way

You must explain why this must be
Did you lie when you spoke to me?

Did you stand by me?
Did you stand by me?
No, not at all
Did you stand by me?
No way
Did you stand by me?
No, not at all
Did you stand by me?
No way

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Lost in translation [13 Apr 2008|03:47pm]
I feel like writing about something in this, as this journal as always housed those kinds of thoughts. But I think I have so much to say that it ultimately makes me have nothing to say at all...
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Goodbyes [22 Mar 2008|07:32pm]
That wasn't so bad. But not so great either.
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にほんご [24 Feb 2008|06:54pm]
僕のpc は 日本語をかける。よし!
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A Checkpoint [07 Feb 2008|04:25am]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

Hello out there. I'm sure nobody reads this anymore, but thats cool. I don't think I will ever get rid of this thing. Although this LJ is mainly just and account of my senior year of high school and isn't quite the representation of my current state of things, I really appreciate having this to be able to look back on things a bit clearer than I would be able to on memory alone. And I guess thats the reason I am writing now, to have a bit of a checkpoint so I can look back and know what was going on at the tail end of my college life, and also because I don't feel like doing anything else really. "Soooo, whats been going on Dom?" you say? Well, I will tell you.

I'm going to Japan.

I'm going to be in Japan for the Spring (and my final) semester to study abroad. I am excited, but not fully excited yet. I guess it's because I have had several failed attempts at the whole study abroad thing, mainly thanks to the incompetence of the brilliant staff at Rutgers Study Abroad, so I am not completely celebrating until I have EVERYTHING completed. At this point I have to finish the whole loan thing, get my apartment finalized, and buy my plane ticket. I really don't know what to expect while I am out there. Perhaps I will use this to document my experience as it unfolds there.

But I really hope to gain some type of level of fluency in Japanese. Learning a second language at this stage in your life is so weird because you have to kind of force it to be second nature. It's really strange, and can be very frustrating. I don't even know if this LJ supports Japanese. And for some reason, my computer will only let me write in katakana...hmmmm...Well, whenever I fix it I will test it out I guess.

I kind of wish I had more to write about how I feel about going to Japan. But to be honest, I am excited, but I don't really have much else to say other than that. It's kind of hard to place my emotions on how I am going to feel about it. There is only so much you learn in class about these kind of things and I think every day is going to be some huge event. Seriously, when we had exchange students here and I am only around them for like a day or two speaking (atleast, trying to) in Japanese, that shit was exhausting. But I can say this. Its going to be really cool to be able to finally gain some level of fluency. Thats why I want to stay out there even longer than my four month semester. I guess if I had to say anything, I am just completely open to the experience. So open in fact that I really just have no reservations about the whole experience and I personally feel that there is no better way to prepare myself for such an experience.

I think I am going to go there and come back paper thin. I can't imagine what my daily diet on Japanese tabemono (food) is going to be like.

I do hope Javier pulls through with this apartment thing. Otherwise I am going to go there and be literally homeless, and I'm not exaggerating. The university is not providing any of us housing so we have to find housing on our own and pay for it out of our own pockets. Rutgers is no help with this process either. I can barely speak the language without having to stop every 5 seconds to think about what I am saying, let alone being able to read some kind of document or have a discussion that contains vocabulary related to major transactions such as this.

Oh I know what I'm excited for come to think of it. I've never seen a sakura tree in person, and I am going to be going during the season where they are in bloom. I think I will just go sit under one and take a nap. That would be nice.

Also, I plan on buying about $1000 (or about Y100,000) worth of Super Famicom games. That will be the shit.

What I really wonder is if this semester abroad will lessen my need to go teach English over there for about a year. The only reason I want to teach there, is to live there for a year, with a job, and just learn the language. But then again, who knows what will happen when I get back, broke and unemployed. That teacher's salary may be just what I need to get going.

I think its pretty funny how once upon a time I was writing about jamming with Pat or hanging out with Pinto on this and now I am talking about these big important things.

I think one thing that will be cool is to see how I ultimately view Japan after this whole experience is over with. I mean, when you look at the time period of when I first started this LJ, I totally romanticized Japan and particular aspects of it. I think back on seeing the Rurouni Kenshin OVA and playing Last Blade for the first time with Pinto and being completely engulfed in that visual style that these things illustrated. These days my view of Japan is more realistic, but I still think I have some of the romanticism in my head. I think it will really come out when I visit some temples, as Kyoto has them in abundance.

So come to think of it, I think I will try to make the effort of writing about whats going on in Japan while I am there in this LJ. I always find it interesting to see how I have grown over the years.

So I guess that's all I can think to write for right now. Perhaps I will post in this thing a bit more before I leave for Japan. Well until then, I am just counting the days and not doing much as I wait to leave. In the meantime, I will play Smash Bros Brawl (when it comes out) to pass the time haha.

See you space cowboy...

...haha! classic!

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The Past Recedes [02 Jan 2008|05:19am]
And then the past recedes
and I won't be involved
The effort to be free
Seems pointless from above
You're looking down at me
I'd rather stay below
Than have you staring up at me
It is nowhere I want to go
Ay, this business of how long we try to stay alive
Why to be here you first got to die
so I gave it a try
And what do you know
Time was so long ago
And things come back you see
To where they don't belong
and every drop of sea is the hole ocean
I lied to the greatest thieves
about anything and everything
I'm a figure of forgotten speech
I'm out of reach
I can't play it safe
But I'm might just in case
I'm disguised as a reaching hand
I'm a working man
I don't understand why clockout
come so slow everytime
That's one line I stay right behind
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i know i am going to need this for future refrence [16 Dec 2007|06:03pm]
S1LENTR0B (6:01:05 PM): headin to jersey in 1 week
S1LENTR0B (6:01:08 PM): we'll cuddle
DongoCasbah (6:01:22 PM): YO
DongoCasbah (6:01:27 PM): I AM HOLDING YOU TO THAT SHIT
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Ground control to Major Tom [19 Nov 2007|02:58am]
I kind of forgot I had this thing haha. I always find it enjoyable to look at old entries every now and then though. Hence the reason why I wont ever delete this thing and why I don't understand that others do.

Anyway, perhaps, if I get accepted to the program, I will write in this thing a bit more often when I am in Japan.

And on a completely random note. I love how so many of my entries were about how I wanted to grow my hair out but would chicken out. Well, I haven't cut my hair in a fucking year and its pretty damn long. Booya.

See you space cowboy...
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[15 Feb 2007|03:44pm]
apparently starting this year the daylight savings is going to be march 11th (a month earlier).

FUCKING A! Fuck it when it gets dark out early.
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[20 Dec 2006|11:41pm]
so after some emailing back and forth about a few odds (like upcomming training and how he appreciates my help and how im excited for training) and ends mr boley sends a response:

Have a great holiday, We'll be getting you ready for your second Dan test in May 2007.

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[18 Dec 2006|07:35pm]
Some more ebaying...

This was not a bad deal: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&rd=1&item=300061377405&ssPageName=STRK:MEWN:IT&ih=020
saved about $10 off the regular price. plus this like had no shelf life, so its hard to find to begin with. So now I have all handheld Castlvanias since the GBA.

But this was yet another STEAL:

The thing thats great about it is not only the price but I never owned the original box. Im so happy about this one. Yet another great find.
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Rouges [11 Dec 2006|06:42pm]
[ mood | content ]

in light of the new incubus album being the absolute shit (seriously, i cant stop listening to it) and just things in general. I will post the lyrics to my favorite song off the album


I’m keeping an eye on the future/an eye on the past
& the present in my pocket/just in case I need a door…
into a brave new world where all solutions end up with my head.
Buried to my neck in sand.

Enough, enough bowing down to disillusion!
Hats off & applause to rogues & evolution!
The ripple effect is too good not to mention.
If you’re not affected, you’re not paying attention!
It’s too good, too good, not to have an effect.

I’m keeping an eye on the pulse
an ear to the track & penance in a locket
I’m dropping from the highest floor.
When it hits ground I watch it smash to pieces.
Songs of liberation echo from the dust. The dust.

Enough bowing down to disillusion!
Hats off & applause to rogues & evolution!
The ripple effect is too good not to mention.
If you’re not affected, you’re not paying attention!
It’s too good, too good, not to have an effect!

Enough, enough, enough, enough, enough!

Enough bowing down to disillusion!
Hats off & applause to rogues & revolution!
The ripple effect is too good not to mention.
If you’re not affected, you’re not paying attention!
It’s too good, too good, too good… yes.

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